I am 41 years old. I failed at almost everything till 35 in my career. I was down at my last $800 in my bank account with a dependent wife and a kid. Somehow I found a good job at 35 and I became financially stable. This stability gave me freedom to pursue few other projects and I got success in all other things. So success will definitely come to you over time if you stick and plan for it. The biggest skills you need to develop are resilience and not taking yourself too seriously. We are a very small blip in this massive Universe and our goal is just to try our best and leave the results to almighty.
Then at least you tried whatever it may have been you wanted to succeed at. You may fail, but at least you won't wonder what could've been "if only I had tried"
I teach in a tech/trade vocational program where 1/2 the students are your generation. All kinds of reasons they are there. (Didn't do well in High School, College, University, Grad School, Gaming in their parents basement since they were 10)
When one of the skills click (some try 2 or 3 of the ones we teach) and they start working the says that life is happening for them. The failures, in retrospect, become steps the had to take to get where they are. Perseverance is probably good personality trait to develop.
I chose my handle to have the word prosaic in it because I did many thing in tech (and other fields), none at extraordinary levels, but all done by learning by trying things out. You don't have to be wildly successful in life, prosaic can be good enough.
I would recommend looking into being able to recognise ‘thought viruses’
A book that really helped me was ‘Stop overthinking’ by Nick Trenton. I still have those thoughts, Anxiety isn’t the easiest thing to get rid of.
Find what it is that you enjoy, build habits (tiny habits / atomic habits are great references) and you might find that just moving a tiny bit in the direction that makes you happy might compound over time.
Success isn’t always about careers or large paydays. Your health, relationships, hobbies, identity and sanity play a big part of that as well.
I have friends who moved to other countries and restarted their lives at the age of 35/40, and I met people in their 70s who done the same.
Roughly two in three Americans don't make it. Other countries may have worse odds. At least you'll have good company.
It's a cycle. Some generations enjoy life. Some will fight so that future generations can enjoy life. The best thing you can do to honor the past generations is to give future ones a chance.
As long as you set your goal to help others, you can't really fail, you'll just die trying. There's all kinds of advice that say you should take care of yourself first, but that's how we got here in the first place. Apes together strong.
Anyone can feel like a failure if they have lofty goals. The #5 golfer in the world can feel like they failed if they never won a major. The NBA MVP can feel like a failure if they never got a championship ring. An EVP of the biggest company in the world can feel like a failure if they were never a CEO.
There are plenty of people in the richest 1% who feel like they failed even though the other 99% might want to trade places with them.
Set realistic goals and work towards them. Don't base your success or failure on meeting every one of them 100% before you turn 30.
If you view life as just this thing that's perpetually going until you're dead, then there's really no "making it". You're just living right now and in the future until you're not, and that's nothing you should be afraid of or set an expectation around.
How you choose to poke at the world and react to the things that poke back is up to you.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Compare yourself only to who you were yesterday. Set your goals, work towards them, and update your goals and actions accordingly. We win or we learn, and we try to win more than we learn over time. There are unhappy billionaires who will never feel like they’ve won, and people in abject poverty who are happy with what they have. Happiness is reality minus expectations.
Dude, you're 25. You're just at the very start of your life.
But since you're worried about "being behind" and "not making it", perhaps you should reflect on what you mean by those things. You're "behind" what? How do you define success and failure?
In any case, my advice to you is that you're just getting started. It's far too soon to seriously fear failure in your life. The important thing in anything isn't the current state, it's the trendline. As long as you are moving in the general direction of your goals, you'll be fine.
Elon Musk may die considering himself a failure. There's a lot of things you can do, therapy, change jobs, travel Europe, buy a sports car, and for sure a few of those things you should do, but they'll all lead to the same conclusion: You're not behind, you're right where you are supposed to be.
I am 41 years old. I failed at almost everything till 35 in my career. I was down at my last $800 in my bank account with a dependent wife and a kid. Somehow I found a good job at 35 and I became financially stable. This stability gave me freedom to pursue few other projects and I got success in all other things. So success will definitely come to you over time if you stick and plan for it. The biggest skills you need to develop are resilience and not taking yourself too seriously. We are a very small blip in this massive Universe and our goal is just to try our best and leave the results to almighty.
What was that job?
I’m happy to share my thoughts here, but I think it’d be more effective if you had a trusted friend or advisor to talk to in person.
Then at least you tried whatever it may have been you wanted to succeed at. You may fail, but at least you won't wonder what could've been "if only I had tried"
I teach in a tech/trade vocational program where 1/2 the students are your generation. All kinds of reasons they are there. (Didn't do well in High School, College, University, Grad School, Gaming in their parents basement since they were 10)
When one of the skills click (some try 2 or 3 of the ones we teach) and they start working the says that life is happening for them. The failures, in retrospect, become steps the had to take to get where they are. Perseverance is probably good personality trait to develop.
I chose my handle to have the word prosaic in it because I did many thing in tech (and other fields), none at extraordinary levels, but all done by learning by trying things out. You don't have to be wildly successful in life, prosaic can be good enough.
I would recommend looking into being able to recognise ‘thought viruses’
A book that really helped me was ‘Stop overthinking’ by Nick Trenton. I still have those thoughts, Anxiety isn’t the easiest thing to get rid of.
Find what it is that you enjoy, build habits (tiny habits / atomic habits are great references) and you might find that just moving a tiny bit in the direction that makes you happy might compound over time.
Success isn’t always about careers or large paydays. Your health, relationships, hobbies, identity and sanity play a big part of that as well.
I have friends who moved to other countries and restarted their lives at the age of 35/40, and I met people in their 70s who done the same.
Good luck!
> Success isn’t always about careers or large paydays.
Yes!
If the goal is to live a happy and satisfying life, then success is largely independent of careers and large paydays.
Roughly two in three Americans don't make it. Other countries may have worse odds. At least you'll have good company.
It's a cycle. Some generations enjoy life. Some will fight so that future generations can enjoy life. The best thing you can do to honor the past generations is to give future ones a chance.
As long as you set your goal to help others, you can't really fail, you'll just die trying. There's all kinds of advice that say you should take care of yourself first, but that's how we got here in the first place. Apes together strong.
The most radical act of resistance in the age of surveillance is to stop watching yourself.
The most powerful form of sovereignty is to not be monitored — not even by yourself.
I suggest you ask yourself questions like:
- What would my ideal day feel like, not in terms of tasks, but in terms of energy, rhythm, and peace?
- When did I feel most real today — not productive, not performing — but truly present?
- If stress were a teacher, what would it be trying to show me — not about my work, but about my needs?
They help see things more clearly.
Anyone can feel like a failure if they have lofty goals. The #5 golfer in the world can feel like they failed if they never won a major. The NBA MVP can feel like a failure if they never got a championship ring. An EVP of the biggest company in the world can feel like a failure if they were never a CEO.
There are plenty of people in the richest 1% who feel like they failed even though the other 99% might want to trade places with them.
Set realistic goals and work towards them. Don't base your success or failure on meeting every one of them 100% before you turn 30.
What does it mean to you to “make it” or be a “failure”?
Some definitions will be impossible to achieve or lead to a goalpost that is always just out of reach.
If you view life as just this thing that's perpetually going until you're dead, then there's really no "making it". You're just living right now and in the future until you're not, and that's nothing you should be afraid of or set an expectation around.
How you choose to poke at the world and react to the things that poke back is up to you.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Compare yourself only to who you were yesterday. Set your goals, work towards them, and update your goals and actions accordingly. We win or we learn, and we try to win more than we learn over time. There are unhappy billionaires who will never feel like they’ve won, and people in abject poverty who are happy with what they have. Happiness is reality minus expectations.
Maybe you should ask why you feel behind in your life. Behind what or whom?
You can just as easily fail at something you don't like as something that you do like. So might as well fail at the thing you like.
Dude, you're 25. You're just at the very start of your life.
But since you're worried about "being behind" and "not making it", perhaps you should reflect on what you mean by those things. You're "behind" what? How do you define success and failure?
In any case, my advice to you is that you're just getting started. It's far too soon to seriously fear failure in your life. The important thing in anything isn't the current state, it's the trendline. As long as you are moving in the general direction of your goals, you'll be fine.
You have a therapist yet? Highly recommend.
What do you actually want to be doing and what is stopping you from doing them?
You'll make it.
Elon Musk may die considering himself a failure. There's a lot of things you can do, therapy, change jobs, travel Europe, buy a sports car, and for sure a few of those things you should do, but they'll all lead to the same conclusion: You're not behind, you're right where you are supposed to be.